Part 2: Porn and Your Relationship with The Local Church
Vertical and Horizontal Relationships
Introduction to the title
Pornography and sexual immorality, and how these addictions affect your relationship to your local assembly is complex and interrelated. Furthermore, it is also quite unfortunately, a badly understood and poorly addressed topic among church goers and leaders due to the taboo that tags along. That itself, I believe is the very crux of the problem we face today:
Everyone’s aware of it; nobody wants to address it; and Satan is having a party with Gods people right in the middle of His very Church!
This must address this as a matter of importance. Pastors and laypeople are falling by the wayside, churches are imploding, and the gospel is being put to shame as we speak.
Part 2: Vertical and horizontal relationships
In this blog we discuss:
- Your vertical relationship with God
- Your horizontal relationships with others
- A call-to-action
Your vertical relationship with God
Your vertical relationship can be defined as,
an upward relationship grounded on us seeking the KNOWLEDGE and GLORIES of GOD, with NO additional motives other than that of finding ABSOLUTE PLEASURE and SATISFACTION in him through his Son, Jesus Christ.
It’s about Him… not you
This vertical relationship with God however isn’t about you or what you do. It’s about what his Son has already done on the cross. This relationship begins with Him, flows through you, and ends with Him. In the end, it’s all about Him and for His glory alone.
It’s personal
Not only is this relationship sweet, its magnificently glorious and at the same time — personal! Yes, just you and him. This relationship between you and Christ exist because God the Father has personally elected and given you to his Son, Jesus Christ (John 6:44). In other words,
it’s a personal call of grace into a relationship that is all for the glory of the One who called you!
It’s a command!
You may not realise this, but as much as we are invited into a relationship with God, we are also commanded to worship Him, only! In fact, it is idolatrous to worship anything else apart from God. Even Jesus Himself when tempted by Satan on the mount (Matthew 4:8–10) rebuked him and declared “Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God and him only shalt thou serve” giving all glory and honour to his Father in heaven. My point is… if Jesus rebuked Satan and commanded him to worship God and furthermore, if Jesus himself worshipped that same God, his Father, how much more should you and I?
We are called by grace, yet commanded by election!
Why worship God?
Director of Sovereign Grace Music Bob Kauflin in his book Worship Matters, says we are commanded to worship God because we have a deficiency. I love this word deficiency because it encompasses mans true state brought about by sin. Cambridge Dictionary defines deficiency as:
- a state of not having, or not having enough, of something that is needed
- the lack of something that is needed in order to meet a particular standard
- a situation in which something is not as good as it should be
All three definitions succinctly point to our dire need to be in a relationship with a person who can fulfil that deficiency — the person Christ Jesus!
What does porn really do?
Pornography and sexual addictions blocks you from seeing that deficiency. The issues is not you being unable to figure out what that deficiency is and attempting to work on it. What porn really does is it obliterates the fact that the deficiency even exists. It’s a matter of
not knowing your problem vs. not knowing you have a problem!
To make matters worse, compulsive porn use can cause us to lose our intentionality for seeking God. Christian philosopher Paul Copan in his book Loving Wisdom: A Guide to Philosophy and Christian Faith says,
“Think of a radio dial: when it’s not properly tuned in to receive frequency transmissions, all we get is static. Likewise, failure to seek God intentionally — with all our heart (Jer. 29:13) — will render us more susceptible to the static and distortion; this will obscure our accurately perceiving God”
When you cannot see your deficiency and have lost your intentionality, you lose your vision and purpose for worshiping him altogether. You lose what it means to be alive and satisfied only in Him! You then find yourself aligning with those hypocritical Jews Jesus spoke about in Matthew 15:8–9 when he quotes the prophet Isaiah saying,
“This people honours me with their lips, but their heart is far away form me. But in vain do they worship me, teaching as doctrines the percepts of men”
In the words of commentator Matthew Henry,
“you neither please God , nor profit yourself.”
Unfortunately however, this does not end with you and your private life. This behaviour eventually spills into your horizontal relationship with others.
Your horizontal relationship with others
You can’t possibly give something you don’t have. You cannot bless others if you yourself haven’t been blessed. You cannot minister to others about sin and repentance if you yourself are unrepentant and drowning in you own sins. You can’t even speak words of encouragement because you yourself need encouragement.
In fact, you might even need an exorcism!
No one describes the interconnectedness of our horizontal and vertical relationship better than Dr. John Piper in his blog We Need Each Other:
“Fellowship is a mutual bond that Christians have with Christ that puts us in a deep, eternal relationship with one another.”
We are called to worship God not just vertically through proclamation of his glories, perfection, and works, but also horizontally by spending time ministering to one another, encouraging one another, and building each other up (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Yes, in other words, your horizontal relationship with your fellow church believers is also a form of worship. Different activity, but the same end. This is God’s plan for building His church on earth for His glory alone, and we are called to align ourselves with that plan.
Porn perverts!
Pornography perverts the plan God has called you to be a part of. Although we are called to edify and build one another up through
- speaking words of encouragement (Eph. 4:29; 1 Thess. 5:11),
- singing one to another (Eph. 5:19),
- submitting one to another in humility (Eph. 5:21) and,
- performing acts of love and kindness (John 13:34; Eph. 4:32)
we instead rock up to church with empty hands with nothing to offer. Our minds’ a blank slate. Our lights are on but nobody’s home. Even if we knew exactly what to do, we are too soaked in guilt and shame. Our minds are full of pornographic images we shoved in during the week that we simply are unable to envision the image of Christ and what He expects from us towards His congregation anymore. We are unable to take that image of Christ and bless others with it through our lives. We find it a chore to minister to anyone in person in the manner upon which we were summoned to but rather find comfort in secrecy. We curdle up in the corner hoping no one will find out. When this happens,
I have failed you. You have failed me. As a church, we have all failed each other.
Call-to-action
- If you find yourself addicted to porn, speak to a matured minister at your church. Be transparent and honest!
- Understand what the gospel of Jesus Christ is. Psychology and Sadhguru cannot help you. Your problem is sin. Christ is the answer!
- Write your sins down individually. When you write, you bring your sins to light and full awareness. Know thyself, and you’ll know how much you need Christ.
- Start ministering to others at church. Sing aloud joyfully. Speak about Christ. Testify!
Coming up…
In part 3, we discuss how porn and sexual addictions turn us into individualised lonely people. We see how this loneliness can adversely affect our churches’ discipline towards us, turning us into what the God calls as, bastards.
See you then!
